13 Myths About Hogwarts That Needs To Be Corrected
by formerlyknownasone
Summary: The title says it all. Read this, and Review!


Hey Guys are thought I would write just a short general piece about Hogwarts as a whole. So read and Enjoy!

I solemnly swear the characters in this are not mine. But the plot is.

Thirteen Myths Of Hogwarts That Needs to Be Corrected

_written by Parvarti Patil_

1.Gilderoy Lockhart was a bad teacher.

Contrary to popular belief, Professor Lockhart seems to be a very competent teacher. A survey has shown that the general grades of the female population (first grade to seven grade) has shown a drastic increase of standards during his short teaching period here. Hermione Granger, a very intelligent Hogwarts student that is enamoured by Professor Lockhart, says " When else would you see all the girls reading their Defence against Dark Arts textbook like it's the bible? He is _bloody_ brilliant "

2. Harry Potter's eyes are green.

"They are blue for goodness sake, blue!" cries out a frustrated Harry Potter when approached. "I just wear coloured contact lenses, that's all! For the fun! They are bloody blue, blue!" When pointing out why is there a need to wear contact lenses if he is already wears glasses, and that blue s not a bloody colour, he rolls his eyes. " They are unprescribed lenses, duh. They help to attract more girls and it also gives me an intellectual look. Don't they?"

Umm.

3. Oliver Wood is obsessed with Quidditch.

" This is an absolute myth," Oliver Wood insists when approached for comments. " I do think about other stuff you know. Like reading _Which Broomstick_ and writing plays." After telling him that_ Which Broomstick is_ related to Quidditch, Mr Wood turns a violent shade of purple, before muttering " I use it for doing household chores like sweeping" in an unconvincing tone. After asking him whether he loves Shakespearean works and who is his favourite playwright, he replies " What's Shakespeare? My favourite playwright is Jones, the captain of Holyhead Harpies. Marvelous Chaser."

4.Harry Potter has a fan club.

Statistics shown that he had at least three, and that is in Hogwarts alone. The main fan clubs include The Harry Potter Fanatics Fan Association (THPFFA) and The Boy Who Lived Club, which is headed by Albus Dumbledore and Colin Creevey respectively. Mr Creevey, the president of The Boy Who Lived Club, excitedly exclaims "We are just trying to spread our love for him around the school! He is hot!" Rumours have it that the third club, We Love HP! The Unofficial Club is founded by Draco Malfoy. Mr Malfoy has declined to give any comments.

5. The Creevey Brothers are secret spies/ photographers for _The Daily Prophet._

Colin and Dennis Creevey made an official announcement just weeks ago in the Great Hall regarding this rumour. " We would NEVER work for the _Daily Prophet_! They slandered our hero Harry Potter!" squeaked Colin. He and his brother are the president and treasurer of the The Boy Who Lived Club, a association devoted to Harry Potter. " Yeah! Like we we would do that!" Dennis quips. " We are secret photographers and spies for the _Quibbler_, not_ The Daily Prophet_!". This was then followed by a glare from Luna Lovegood and an "oops!"

Looks like they are no longer secret spies.

6.Snape is in desperate need for oil-control shampoo

After three months of private investigation and ten failed attempts of sneaking into his bathroom, the truth is finally out! Snape has been regularly using Fletcher's Grease-Control Hair Tonic Potion (Extra Strong), but to no avail. A visit to Madame Promfey also reveals that Severus Snape has been struggling with his oily hair for twenty years.

7. Snape uses too much hair gel, that's why it looks greasy

Read above ( Rumour number six) for Snape's battle with greasy hair.

8.Professor McGonagall was an "Outstanding" student that failed Divination.

A check in the Hogwarts School of Wizardry OWL records shows a shock! Professor McGonagall has only one "O" and it is in -gasp!- Divination!. She has got an "Exceed Expectations" in Transfigurations and has failed Potions with a 'Poor' and 'Troll' in Ancient Runes. When asked about her Divination marks, she replies dismissively " That was a fluke". Professor Trelawny, upon hearing this news, faints in shock. Shouldn't she has seen this coming?

Professor Trelawny has gotten an "Exceeds Expectations" in Divination.

9.There are no such thing as Blast-end Thestrals... are there?

Hagrid, Care of Magical Creatures teacher has recently succeeded in breeding a cross between Thestrals and Blast-end Screwts. This would explain the frequent forest fires and sudden explosion in mid-air that has worried many students and professors. "Of course I knew," smiles Luna Lovegood. " Didn't I tell you guys to bring a purple Flobberworm-blessed turnip around? This wards them off. But then, no one ever listens to me."

10. No one ever listens to Luna Lovegood.

Not true, we find out. Quite a number of people happen to believe many of the tales that Luna has been talking about. "I think Luna makes a lot of sense sometimes, and one cannot afford to not take precaution," Neville Longbottom claims. "After all, she is right about the Blast-end Thestrals."

The purple Flobberworm-blessed turnip she sells is also going like hotcakes, at ten sickle each. Free one turnip for every ten bought.

11.The Weasley Twins have a drawer all to themselves in Filch's Office.

" No, we don't" Fred and George proudly proclaims. "We have three. Each." On further probing in Argus Filch's office, we find out that Fred and George have indeed told the truth. List of crimes includes swiping Snape's hair tonic for grease, blowing up the stairways, and stealing Marcus Flint's thongs. Second in place are Sirius Black and James Potter, having four drawers total.

12.Malfoy and Hermione Granger hates each other.

Like Romeo and Juliet, no? Close friends of Malfoy and Hermione has revealed that the pair has been dating for over five months. The sources, only wished to be known by their initials H.P. and R.W., says that the couple "are so in love with each other, they are almost sickening." This also explains the frequent disappearance of the two lovebirds. "They are having a torrid love affair," confirms R.W. H.P nods his head fervently at this comment.

13. The Astronomy Tower and Empty Classrooms are the best place for snogging in Hogwarts.

"Absolutely untrue," claims Ginny Weasley. Surveys have shown that most students prefer to go to the library to engage in this activity rather than the astronomy tower or abandoned classrooms. " It is so far away, and there are many steps to climb!" shrieks Lavender Brown. The restricted section of the library provides privacy from even Madam Pince, as well as the teachers, who never bother to check there, as obviously, the students are supposed to be studying. Many students go there under the pretext of studying. "Or course it is the best place to snog," Ron Weasley says bitterly. " Why else do you think Hermione goes there every night?"

Heard that Fan Fiction Readers? Chose another destination for Your couples to snog!

Lol. What do you think of this? Please Review!


End file.
